2 years ago
So today was a really bad day for me..last night i couldnt sleep i just lay in bed and starred in the wall....i looked at the clock and it was 01.00 i tryied to sleep but nothing....03.00 i went up to drink water....and thenn i read some....and then at 05.30 i feel asleep..or that was the last time i looked at the clock anyway!!
I knew what was wrong when i woke up...and im so sick of it....
It was two years ago Denise TWO FUCKING YEARS.....but that was the day my life changed.....i get sad cause i think about how sad i was two years ago....how much i didnt want to do anything....and a couple of weeks ago i thought it was changing...that i actually was getting better and happy for real....but that was just imagination i guess...cause this saturday I got sad again...i understood that ive actually started to like a guy...who wasent my ex boyfriend...and i thought that was great im finally moving on...and maybe this is right maybe this thing could work...but NOO
I think im not meent to be happy...i think im not meent to have a boyfriend or someone who likes me..i think im just supposed to be friend with everyone or not everyone but a few.....
i should be alone...forever and not even try to get anything started and that what im going to do now....
Im sick of being left when i think that it could work and i start to show how i feel...im sick of guys telling me that i dont have to be scared cause they wont hurt me....im sick of them SICK SICK SICK...i dont want anything to do with them
i feel alone so alone and all i want to do is scream and cry...ive been walking around like a zombie today..and all i want to do is crawl down in my bed and stay there for ever.....im going to do that when i come home to Sweden...I never wanted to go to Sweden before but now i cant wait to go home,....to my bed to my tv and just stay there.....im so tired i just want to sleep and turn back time a couple of years...like 6 then i would do so many different things......
But yeah...im back in sqaure one...but now im never going to let my self be fooled again....no more guys no more anything just...something els
I knew what was wrong when i woke up...and im so sick of it....
It was two years ago Denise TWO FUCKING YEARS.....but that was the day my life changed.....i get sad cause i think about how sad i was two years ago....how much i didnt want to do anything....and a couple of weeks ago i thought it was changing...that i actually was getting better and happy for real....but that was just imagination i guess...cause this saturday I got sad again...i understood that ive actually started to like a guy...who wasent my ex boyfriend...and i thought that was great im finally moving on...and maybe this is right maybe this thing could work...but NOO
I think im not meent to be happy...i think im not meent to have a boyfriend or someone who likes me..i think im just supposed to be friend with everyone or not everyone but a few.....
i should be alone...forever and not even try to get anything started and that what im going to do now....
Im sick of being left when i think that it could work and i start to show how i feel...im sick of guys telling me that i dont have to be scared cause they wont hurt me....im sick of them SICK SICK SICK...i dont want anything to do with them
i feel alone so alone and all i want to do is scream and cry...ive been walking around like a zombie today..and all i want to do is crawl down in my bed and stay there for ever.....im going to do that when i come home to Sweden...I never wanted to go to Sweden before but now i cant wait to go home,....to my bed to my tv and just stay there.....im so tired i just want to sleep and turn back time a couple of years...like 6 then i would do so many different things......
But yeah...im back in sqaure one...but now im never going to let my self be fooled again....no more guys no more anything just...something els
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